Twinkie the Kid

Not to get too '80's stand-up (or Seinfeldian) on you, but what's the deal with all the retro packaging on consumer products? Who came up with the idea to just start slapping logos from the 1960's and 70's onto everything in an effort to sucker middle-aged consumers into buying things that they don't need -- in fact, have been ordered not to have by their doctor -- just so that they can recapture a moment of their lost childhood.

Of course, it could be that I'm just upset because I'm one of those suckers. It started innocently enough...I saw the Pepsi with the cool blue and red logo, just like the collector sign that hangs in my kitchen. But then, right next to the Pepsi, was the Mountain Dew made with real sugar. The Mountain Dew with the light green script and the drawing of the old timey hillbilly on it. How could you not buy that?

Then there was the Cap'n Crunch, Peanut Butter Crunch and Crunch Berries cereal boxes featuring the characters from the old Jay Ward directed commercials of my youth. I had to buy those...my sons have never really seen Smedley the elephant or the pirate Jean LaFoote. I wouldn't want them to miss out a cherished part of childhood like that.

I was in a gas station when I came across Doritos in old school packaging. It was the Tacos flavored ones. Not the Tacos at Midnight or the Twilight Tacos or whatever the hell they have now...but the old school Taco Doritos...the ones that are just flavored with the kind of taco seasoning that you find in an Ortega kit. Thankfully, they don't have any of the overpowering flavor of those modern Doritos.

And it just keeps going. The other day I was walking through the snack food isle at the grocery store and who did I happen upon? Twinkie the Kid and Captain Cupcake! Not some bastardized version but the real ones! I went searching frantically for King Ding Dong but couldn't find him...but I'm hoping he's out there. I would even take Chauncey Chocodile.

I'm not sure what's next. Maybe someone will do limited run of Fruit Brute or Freakies. Maybe 7-Up will bring back those inverted Coke glasses. Maybe instead of just an occasional glimpse of Hamburgler and Grimace, McDonald's will roll out a full on campaign with Mayor McCheese and Officer Big Mac. Maybe M&M/Mars will bring back the actual Marathon bar...the one that was like a braided rope of hard caramel.

Whatever it is, no matter what I might say here, I'm sure I'm probably going to be a sucker again. Luckily, most of the stuff doesn't cost very much. If Chrysler somehow brings back the Plymouth Road Runner or Duster I might be in for some financial strife.