I don't mean Alan Rickman's parents. I'm sure that somewhere along the line those Brits realized that they had a pretty good actor on their hands. No, I'm talking about the fictional Teutonic two-some that gave life to young Hans. At what point did their sweet little boy turn evil?
If you're not one of us that pulls out "Die Hard" to watch every Christmas (yes, it is a Christmas movie, but that's an argument for another day), then here's a reminder of the brilliant Mr. Gruber:
Here's why I'm asking...I think that there's a possibility that I'm raising a pair of budding super-villains in Marty and Casey. In particular, the youngest of my progeny seems to be cultivating an evil genius persona. I tried to tell him that one of the pre-requisites to being an evil genius is that you have to actually be a genius. I mean, it's right there in the title.
He rebutted with all of the stupid things that evil geniuses do that get them caught, so obviously the title "evil genius" is an honorary one.
Last year around this time, Casey actively recruited a henchman. He picked out the biggest kid in his grade and involved him in his schemes. This was through no fault of the other child, who is in reality a big sweetheart. No, Casey seemed to be doing it without the other child knowing.
The biggest indicator of this came when Casey convinced two different teachers and a bus driver that his henchman was to come home with him. The other boy was led to believe that he was going along to a birthday party...which is the same deception that Casey used on the adults. It wasn't until he showed up at the daycare with his henchman in tow that my son's plot was thwarted. Of course, the grown-ups had to figure out where the extra kid was really supposed to be.
Last night, as brothers do, the two of them were fighting. Recently, when these arguments have arisen Casey has taken to cribbing lines from the old Bill Bixby-Lou Ferrigno TV version of "The Incredible Hulk." Only he's ammended the famous line of, "You shouldn't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
Casey keeps saying, "You keep pushing me right to the edge, and you do not want me to go over. You don't know what I'm capable of...nobody does!"
Typically, that leads to Marty accusing Casey of being overdramatic, which is a personal afront to the acting ability of the younger one. "NO...I'M...NOT!" is usually the reply.
Since Thursday of this week, they've been arguing over a library book. Yes, I said a library book. Casey took out a book that Marty wants to read, and now won't let him read it until he's finished with it. Just for fun, Casey is reading the book at the rate of about one page a day. There are 216 pages. He quickly brushed aside the idea of just letting his brother read the book first because...well, I guess it's because that isn't what an evil genius would do.
Things came to a head last night and suddenly my home became the set of a really bad Sylvester Stallone action movie. (Do you say "really bad Sylvester Stallone action movie" or is the "really bad" just implied from the rest of the statement?)
I walked into the kitchen and Casey was standing in the middle. When I entered, he slowly turned and looked at me. "You say that payback is not the answer, but I say that it is. I'm about to get my revenge on. For eight years, I've had to put up with that brat and now it's time to get even. Oh, Marty! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
Luckily, Casey only weighs about 40 lbs. so it wasn't that hard to grab him as he tried to run past, ready to get his "revenge on."
Now, I'm sure that from this it sounds like I've only got one super-villain walking around...but in my opening I included Marty. He's just a little less committed to the role. Sure, he likes the idea of world domination as much as the next guy, but he's a little more squeamish about getting there.
However, after Casey had repeatedly kept pushing buttons after his grand speech, Marty had finally had enough. He suddenly lunged at Casey and hissed through clenched teeth, "You think you know discipline? You don't know anything. I'll teach you discipline."
I managed to stop him before he tied up his brother and started reenacting the torture scene from either "Lethal Weapon" or "Casino Royale."
The funny thing is that neither of them ever actually watches movies like that. The closest they ever come are the Marvel superhero films...which have some of that stuff, but they're not quite in line with the Stallone-Schwarzenegger-Willis school of bang-bang, boom-boom filmmaking. Joss Whedon can write a lot of quippy lines, but he's never quite gotten to the level of "I'll be back" or "You're the disease, and I'm the cure" or even, "Yippe-kay-yay motherf***er." (And, yes, action geeks, I'm aware that only one of those lines was uttered by a villain.)
Casey even dresses the part. For two of his last three school pictures, he's worn a black tie on a black button-down shirt. He's asked repeatedly to be allowed to buy a suit. It's only a matter of time before he makes the transition to the tailored European fare sported by Hans Gruber and his ilk. If Casey is going to be an evil genius, he plans on being one of the nattily attired ones.
Thankfully, having known Marty and Casey all of their lives, it seems much more likely that they are preparing for a career making movies about bad guys that give cheesy speeches before their doom than to actually be one. Both hate any kind of pain and they both hate getting into trouble...and while they like to argue with each other, neither is particularly enamored with fighting.
Considering, however, that I've heard them argue over which would be better at taking over the world, I'm sure there will always be a flicker in the back of their minds of the path (hopefully) untaken.
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